Wizard of Oz
by Ek01
Summary: Set in the late 70's-early 80's, this somewhat updated version of the 1939 film takes an 8 year old, kung fu-loving Dorothy Gale and Toto, her faithful dog, on an epic adventure.
1. Prologue

/

_Howdy! Mah name's Dorothy!_

_I am 8-and-a half years old, I like _

_pretty much what other people my age like; y'know, Pac-Man, spice garden growin', Jackie Chan movies, inventin' stuff, practicin' kung-fu, watchin' She-Ra, stuff like that. Also, an' Ah live on a farm with my...er...remaining family. _

_Mah mom an' dad died when _

_I was too young to remember, so in order fer' me ta not feel all sad, Auntie Em, she got me this lil' puppy I named Toto, cause she said that was mom's favorite band. Anyway, life on the farm kinda got...boring after a little bit, an' I al'ays wanted ta an' dad died when I was too young to remember, so in order fer' me ta not feel all sad, Auntie Em, she got me this lil' puppy I named Toto, cause she said that was mom's favorite band. Anyway, life on the farm kinda got...boring after a little bit, an' I al'ays wanted ta _

_go someplace that wasn't boring, but NOOOOOOOO, Auntie Em 'nsisted that "There's a time for fun, and a time for work". Ah hated that, so Ah tried tew keep mahself busy each day by makin' things an' playin' with Toto._

But then, there was that one time,

when Toto an' I saw er'thin' change...

/

DISCLAIMER: THIS ICONIC STORY

HAS BEEN TOLD A LOT OF TIMES. A. LOT.


	2. IT'S A TWISTAH!

It was an exceptionally hot day as everyone on the farm worked on one thing or another. Chickens clucked and pigs oinked as they ate their daily seeds and slop, respectively.

"Have you boys seen Dorothy?"

"Not one bit, Auntie Em!" Called out one boy. "Ah think she's out in th' fields with that dawg ag'in!"

"Heavens tew Betsey.." Aunt Em sighed. "This girl and her interests.."

"Don't act so coy, Em." Said a man around her age.

"Yew were th' same way, lovin' Ella Fitzgerald, ownin' all her records, an' not wantin' tew' git' yer hands dirty.."

"Yeah, when Ah was a youngʼun, Ah allʼays thought of goinʼ somewhar over thʼ rainbow—our niece, Miss Encyclopedia Brown says itʼs scientifically impossible tʼ dew that." Em lifted an enormous hay bale with one hand and threw it onto a stack.

"But there's a time for these

things, she's got to learn that, Henry."

"Ah'm sure she's okay.." said Henry.

\--

"Pass th' monkey wrench, Toto!" Exclaimed a small girl working on a vehicle-like machine. "This corn'll be picked faster than you can say, THUNDERCATS HOOOOO!!"

A small, black terrier dog barked, and ran over to Dorothy, carrying a monkey wrench in his mouth.

"Thank yew ever so kindly!" Said Dorothy as she continued to work.

Once Dorothy had finished, she sat on top of the vehicle she had created. The girl placed some protective goggles over her head, and pressed a button on her Walkman, which played a funky disco beat.

Toto yanked a chain that started

the vehicleʼs engine easily. Dorothy began to slowly drive it into the cornfield, where a perfect row was awaiting her. At the bottom of her constructed vehicle, was a series of small knives much like a lawnmower, which both cut and shucked the corn simultaneously. The corn ears and shucks were then individually sorted through two chutes and placed into respective compartments.

"WEʼRE DOINʼ IT NOW, BOY!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "NOW LETʼS KICK IT INTA HIGH GEAR!!"

Dorothy flipped a switch on the control panel, and the engine revved up, harvesting more corn by the second and moving even more now. Dorothy gave a loud whoop, and Toto howled.

Because the vehicle was now moving into full motion, and moving so quickly, the velocity knob clicked by itself, and made the vehicle move even faster through the field.

"Oh no." Said Dorothy.

The vehicle moved quicker and quicker. Both Dorothy and Toto screamed as they were about to hit the family scarecrow!! They ran into it with a loud, extremely audible *THUD!!*

"Well." Said Dorothy. "Glad thatʼs ov—"

BABLOOOOOOZE!!!!!!!*

——

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Exclaimed a charred Dorothy as Auntie Em dragged her through the partially obliterated cornfield by the ear.

"Auntie Em!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "Auntie Em! Did ja see me?"

"Yes, dear--ya looked like Haley's Comet." Em gasped at a small flame on Dorothy's head, putting it out with her fingers. "Now git ovʼ thar—we still need ta count th' newborns.." she gave Dorothy a handful of cheeping baby chicks.

"Bu' it ainʼt done nothin harmful! That was jusʼ a test run! See, all ah

have tew do is calibrate th' pickin' time--37 (She handed Em the chicks)--an' multiply th' ratio of

corn that needs shuckin', an' then--"

"Look, will ya just count the chicks,

please?!" Asked Auntie Em.

"Already did!" Exclaimed Dorothy.

"There's 380 of em'!"

"Three hundr--" Uncle Henry started counting on his fingers. "Carry th' s--"

"Dorothy, Ah'd just wish you'd focus on your work an' lay off this inventin' an' Hong Kong phooey whatever!" Exclaimed Em.

"Bu' its booorriiiing..." whined Dorothy. "Ah wanna lead mah own life, an'--AAAAAH!!" She tripped and fell into the pig pen.

"Hol' on lil' sis!!" Exclaimed one of

her brothers as he grabbed Dorothy and pulled her out.

"AGH!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "AH HATE PIIIGS!! AH HATE THIS STUPID FAAARM!!"

Dorothy ran away from the farm, Toto followed. She ran and ran, until she reached the border of the farm, at a mesquite fence.

She sat on top, where she could see the woods of Topeka. Toto stood up, as Dorothy started to sing..

"Somewhere

over the rainbow

Way up high

There's a land

that I heard of

Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over

the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to

dream

Really do come

true

Someday I'll wish

upon a star

And wake up

where the clouds

are far

Behind me

Where troubles

melt like lemon

drops

Away above the

chimney tops

That's where

you'll find me Somewhere over

the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the

rainbow

Why then, oh why

can't I?

If happy little

bluebirds fly

Beyond the

rainbow

Why, oh why can't

I?"

Suddenly, Dorothy stopped, as she could hear her family shouting;

"TWISTAH! ITʼS A TWISTAH!" Yelled

Uncle Henry. "GET TO THE STORM CELLER!!"

"AUNTY EM!! UNCLE HENRY!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "Cʼmon, Toto!"

She picked up the little dog and ran across the field to the cellar.

"Oh no!" She said. "Ah'forgot mah She-Ra doll!"

Dorothy quickly entered the house, which strangely felt like it was spinning in the twister! She

grabbed her She-Ra doll with a "Ha-HA!!"

But she was briskly knocked out.


	3. Not in Kansas

Dorothy awoke, flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling of the house. She stood up, there was a horrible pain in her head; luckily it wasn't hurt. But where was Toto?

"Toto?" She called. "Here boy!" She whistled. "Ohhh, mah head..."

Toto's barks could be heard--he emerged from a lampshade. The

little terrier yapped and walked over to Dorothy, snuggling her.

"There ya are, boy!" Exclaimed Dorothy.

"Now...where are we?" The girl and the dog stood up, looked around, and opened the front door. A blinding burst of wonderful color came from the outside. As far

as the eye could see were fields, colorful houses, trees, and a large bright blue sky.

Birds flew overhead, and large flowers were at the doorstep.

"Wooooowwwww everything's all...technicolor-y.."

Just then, Dorothy's headache returned, making her kneel slightly

and place her hands on her face.

"Ohhh why's this dang head so PAINFUL?!"

Just then, she looked down. Her

jaw dropped, to find that millions of

short people were in front of her, watching her and Toto's every move.

"...toto..." she mumbled so the dog could hear. "...dunno' about you, but...ah don't think we're in Kansas anymore..."

"INDEED YOU ARE NOT!!" Exclaimed a voice.

A very short little man emerged from the crowd, wearing a purple suit with a huge white ribbon

that said "MAYOR" in huge gold

letters.

"Welcome to Oz, heroic newcomer!!" Said the small man.

"Munchkin!" Exclaimed Dorothy.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Exclaimed another

short man. "Munchkin, is a HIGHLY derogatory name! We prefer to

be called "Little People"."

Suddenly from the the heavens, there came a large pink bubble. All the munchkins happily exclaimed and jumped about. Dorothy simply

stared, absolutely amazed at what

was before her.

The bubble dissolved, revealing a tall, slender, blonde woman in a pink dress. She wore a tall, silver crown atop her head, light pink gloves on her arms, and she carried a wand with a large silver star.

This woman slowly floated to the ground.

("GLIND-AAAAAAAAAAA!!!")

"YYYYESS IT IS I, GLIND--AGH!!"

Unfortunately, Glinda was unaware of the large rock in front of her high-heeled foot, and so she tripped. Dorothy stifled a laugh, then she walked over to see what happened.

"Uh, ma'am?" She asked.

Glinda flailed her arms and grunted,

her skirts revealing her underpants. Then, she got up, dusting off her dress and blonde curls.

"Ooh, myyy," Glinda picked up her crown and placed it on her head. "Like I said, I am Gllinda the Good Witch of the North, Now, who are you my child?"

"Mah name's Dorothy, ma'am." The young girl extended a hand.

"What kind of witch are you?" She asked as she shook her hand.

Dorothy rubbed the inside of her ear with one thumb.

"Ah'm sorry, did you say witch or bi--"

"I was asking you, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Glinda

smiled, dropping some pink sparkles on Dorothy.

("GLINDAAAAA

AAAAAA!!!")

Dorothy sneezed. Then, she laughed. "Ah'm good, but ma'am, Ah certainly ain't no witch!"

"But my DEAR SWEET CHILD!!" Exclaimed Glinda. "You MUST be a

witch--how else did'ja slam my big sister with that HOUSE over there?!!"

Dorothy and Toto's eyes widened in horror as they saw what was underneath the house.

Two legs covered in striped stockings lay on the ground, with

two ruby slippers next to them.

"...cheese an' crackers--AH DIDN'T MEAN T' COMMIT NO HOMER-CIDE!!" Dorothy exclaimed, moving away from Glinda with her hands up, Toto following suit.

"No, no, Dorothy my sweet, this isn't a bad thing!!" Exclaimed Glinda, pulling Dorothy into a hug.

"It's not?"

"No, no--see, she's my sister, and an eeEEEEEEVIL WITCH at that!!" Glinda chortled. "She used to terrorize Oz, and now we're FREE!!!"

The munchkins cheered.

"So it's not bad that ah committed homer-cide in this land?"

"It's ok." Glinda smirked. "Just lemme get the body out of the way."

With another blast of the wand, Glinda zapped the legs.

("GLINDAAAAAAAAAAA!!!")

The legs rumbled, then, as though they were taffy, slowly pulled back, turning black and shriveling away like dying leaves into rolls. The worst part, was that Dorothy could hear the bones cracking.

"ohhhh...that's...not...,horrifically disgusting..." Dorothy covered her mouth and

gagged.

Toto crouched, and then vomited...a rainbow?

(*"GLIN-DAAAAAA!!*")


	4. “Off To See Da Wizard!

Suddenly, a munchkin ran past all the others with a large bell on his

head. He yelled, "Sheʼs COMING!!"

At the top of his lungs, and all the munchkins ran to their homes,

screaming.

"Whoʼs coming?" Said Dorothy.

"Elphaba..." Glinda clenched her right fist.

"What th—" Said Dorothy as she saw a massive pillar of fire start to form!

The pillar of fire slowly took shape, turning rather black and green, until it was the shape of a green-skinned (super ugly) woman wearing a black cape, dress and pointy hat...a witch.

"Hey, Elphy, howʼs it hanginʼ?" Asked Glinda.

"AGGH!!" Exclaimed this "Elphaba" person.

There was a lot of fire on her dress,

so she started batting it out rather

hard with her hands.

Once the woman had completely gotten the fire off her dress, she turned around to look at the terrified Munchkins, Glinda, and Dorothy.

"WHOOOO KILLED MYYY SISTERRR?!!" Boomed the green woman.

"...ah, yes.." said Glinda. "Sheʼs also my little sister..."

"Hamminess must run in your family." Replied Dorothy.

"WELL, IS ANYONE GONNA FESS UP OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO—"

"Ahem.." said Dorothy. "Hi! Yeah, it was me."

The green witch lady moved closer to Dorothy, the munchkins backed away. She examined her for a little while, then looked back up at her face.

"YOUUUUU?!!" She yelled, getting some saliva on the poor girlʼs face.

"Yeah.." replied Dorothy. "See, Ahʼm not 'zactly from here, that...tornado bought me and mah dog in our house, and when we landed, thʼ house...it kinda—" Dorothy made an explosion sound and gesture with her hands. "...right on that uugly lady ovʼr thar."

The witch looked over at the house, and she gasped in horror to find that the striped tight-wearing legs were not there.

"NOOOO!!" She exclaimed, throwing fireballs all over Munchki—

er, "little people" land. "THE RRRRUBY SLLLLIPPPERS HAVE BEEN STOOOOLLLENN!! But by whom? MY STEWWWPID SISTER??!"

"Um, hi!" Said Glinda, appearing

in front of the witch. "Iʼm...uh, still

here, yʼknow? And so are thʼ slippers! The only thing is theyʼre being worn by Dorothy now."

"WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT?!!!" Screeched the witch.

"D-Dorothy, sweetie, precious, could you please pick up your dress

a little and show my sister?" Asked

Glinda.

Dorothy slowly picked up her blue dress a little, and sure enough, on her feet, were the beautiful ruby slippers. They glimmered in the morning sun, and shone light everywhere around her.

"WOW!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "THANKS, but, where are my boots?"

(The witch decided she had enough, and disappeared.)

"Why theyʼre with me for now." Said Glinda. "Now off you get!"

Glinda pushed Dorothy a little, until she stopped.

"But maʼam?" Asked Dorothy. "Thereʼs jusʼ one more thang.."

"Yes, my sweet child?" Asked Glinda.

"Howʼm Ah gonna git tew Oz?"

"Why, thatʼs very simple!" Glinda giggled. She zapped her wand at a long, winding brick road, turning it yellow

(*"GLIN-DAAAAA!!"*).

"You just follow that...er, yellow brick road!"

"Follow that yellow bri—you mean thatone over there?"

"Mm-hmm!" Glinda smiled.

"Follow the yellow brick road." Said

the Munchkins.

"Okay, follow the yellow brick road..." she said to Toto.

"Thatʼs right, follow the yellow brick road!" Said Glinda.

"FOLLOWDAYELLABRICKROAD!"

Sang the Munchkins.

"FOLLOWDAYELLABRICK ROAD!

FALLOW FALLOW FALLOW FALLOW

FALLOWDAYELLABRICK ROAD!!"

The munchkins crowded Dorothy and sang.

———

(Hours later..)

"TOTOOOOO!!" Yelled Dorothy. "THESE HEELS ARE KILLIN ME!! I

DONʼT SUPPOSE ITʼS TOO LATE TO ASK THʼ WITCH LADY FOR—OWW!! A PAIR OF RUBY KLEATS!!" Dorothy practically collapsed on the ground, near a cornfield. She massaged her feet, then placed the shoes back on and looked around at the expanse of beautiful green nothingness to the right of her.

"HEY!" Exclaimed a voice. "YOU

THERE! Can you help me?"

"Who said that?" Dorothy looked around.

"A little more..." Said the voice. Dorothy looked again, and yet she did not see anything.

"Just a liiittle more..." Dorothy looked yet again.

"Perfect." Said the voice. Dorothy gasped as she saw that the voice

belonged to a tall, talking scarecrow-man.

"Whaat th—you kin talk?!"

"I can talk?" Asked the scarecrow.

"Well, of course, youʼre doinʼ it right now!" Said Dorothy.

"Ohh, that." Replied the scarecrow.

"Anyway, youʼre here—thatʼs great, can you help me get down from here?"

"Sure thing!" Said Dorothy. She looked around, and saw some ropes that were tying the scarecrow to posts. She pulled out her pocket knife, and climbed the fence. "Hey,

so, what are you doinʼ here, anyways?"

"Oh, the usual...scarin crows.." a bird perched on a piece of corn. "HAAA!!" He yelled. The bird cawed and flew away. "Just like that every day."

"Donʼt you do anything else?" Asked Dorothy.

"...nnnnoope.." Said the Scarecrow, gluing a piece of hat from his face. "Just that."

"Well, would ya like to come with me?" She asked. "Ahʼm goin to see thʼ wizard."

"Sure!" Said the Scarecrow. "Iʼve heard he can do magic stuff, and Iʼve always wanted a thinkinʼ thingy..."

"A what now?!" Said Dorothy.

"A thinkinʼ thingy..." said the Scarecrow. "The kind of thing that goes in your head and you think stuff. Itʼs all pink and wrinkly.."

"OH, YOU MEAN A BRAIN!" Said Dorothy.

"Is that what they call it?" Asked the Scarecrow.

"Yep!" Said Dorothy. She took out a knife. "Now hold still—"

"AUUUGH!" Said the Scarecrow.

"Donʼt WORRY!" Said Dorothy. She started to climb up the pole. "Ahʼm jusʼ gonna cut you off a this pole anʼ weʼll go see the Wizard!"

"Okay, just be careful!" The Scarecrow shivered. Pretty soon, he was free, as he fell on the ground, on his face.

"Letʼs go see this guy!" Said the Scarecrow.


	5. Oz Never Did Give Nothinʼ To The Tin Man

(To the time of "Iron Man", by Black Sabbath)

"I am the Tin

Man,

Standing alone

with no other

plan,

What was fun for

me,

Was choppin'

down these stupid

apple trees..."

"No one wants

him,

He's just here for

the heap

(Instrumental)

No one needs

him,

Cause his metal

smell really

reeks!"

"He was rusted,

From the rain, dirt

and erosion,

Never trusted,

Now in this grove

he'll meet his

end!"

"No one wants

him,

He's just here for

the heap

(Instrumental)

No one needs

him,

Cause his metal

smell really

reeks!"

————————————

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEʼRE..."

Birds flew away from trees as the long note was held by Dorothy and the Scarecrow. Squirrels dived into their holes, and frogs jumped off

their lily pads.

"OFF TO SEE

DA WIZARD,

LADADADADADADADA!

SOMETHINʼ

SOMETHINʼ,

SOMETHINʼ

SOMETHIN—"

(Record scratch)

"This is dumb." Sighed Dorothy. "Howʼre we gonna keep singinʼ anʼ dancinʼ when we got all this walkinʼ to do?"

"Uhh..." the Scarecrow paused.

"Yeah, good point!"

Suddenly, Toto began to sniff around until he stopped, barking and pointing his nose at something.

"Hey, Dorothy, I think your mop wants to say somethin'.." the Scarecrow pointed at Toto, who was now barking.

"His name is Toto, an' he's a dog."

Dorothy spoke clearly. "What is it, boy?" Asked Dorothy.

Toto started barking ahead. The Scarecrow and Dorothy looked to

see that an apple orchard was ahead of them; trees filled to the brim with the delicious, tantalizing fruit, just ready to be picked.

"Ooh! Apples!" Exclaimed Dorothy.

"Uh, Dorothy?" Asked the Scarecrow. "This place looks a little, er...weird, don't cha think?"

"Nope!" Exclaimed Dorothy, happily. She stood up on a rock, attempting to grab a nice juicy-red apple. "Ah sho' loooove apples!"

"Dorothy?" Said the Scarecrow. "I REAAALLY THINK WE SHOULD GO!"

"Hol' on! Ah almost...got iiiiiiitt..." Dorothy was barely touching the apple now.

Just then, a tree branch that looked much like a hand quickly wrapped around her arm, and pulled her closer! Its bark opened, revealing sets of HUMAN-like eyeballs, a mouth and nose.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!" The tree yelled. "YOU STUPID FOOLISH GIRL!!"

"You kin talk?" Dorothy asked, surprised. Suddenly, more trees started to become more anthropomorphic.

"Of COURSE we can!" Exclaimed one tree. "WE AIN'T NO PICK

YOUR OWN FRUIT TREES, SISTER!!"

"We trees have lived here for ages, AND YOU DARE PICK OUR APPLES?!" Exclaimed another.

"Wait!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "Ah'm sorry--Ah ain't ever seen no real-life givin' trees b'fore! --We were just tryin' to get that muffler guy over there to fight th' Wicked Witch wit' us!" She pointed to the Tin Man.

Every tree started to whisper, then they separated, revealing a gnarled old tree without leaves.

"O' Elder One," spoke a tree. "This girl has come to obtain the Man of Tin!"

The tree elder opened one eye, and one blinded eye. He had seen many things, but never like this. The elder sighed.

"Very well, then..." the tree elder spoke in a crackly voice. "Little girl, in order to gain the Tin Man as an ally against the Wicked Witch, you must first prove to us your fighting

prowess--for the Witch, she fights like the goat of determination attempting to climb the mountain of--"

Dorothy shushed the tree with one finger.

"Enough talk, tree-sensei." She politely bowed. "Now please..." The young girl did a series of flips and kicks expertly, before landing in a crane pose.

This was her thing, and she was more than eager to show it off.

"Let us fight..."

The tree elder bowed, and flung about ten apples from his branches.

(Theme from The Karate Kid)

"YA-TAAAAAAAA!!!!!" With a swift hand, Dorothy chopped the apples in a fruity splatter.

"HOO-RAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Dorothy jump-kicked another apple into one of the trees mouths.

"GO DOROTHY!!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow, holding up Toto.

"HIYAH!"

"CHOP!"

"DOROTHY-SMASH!"

"HUA-YAAAA!!" Dorothy delivered the finishing blow to the elder tree.

"Young lady..." said the elder as he bowed in respect. "You may have him."

"YAAAYYY!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "A WINNER IS ME!!"

The trees peeled back, revealing a tall, slender man made from tin. He was quite rusty, and appeared to be

holding an axe.

"Cahm.." Said the Tin Man through clenched teeth. "Olh Cahm..."

"What?" Said the Scarecrow.

"Ahʼm sorry, could ya speak up,

please?" Asked Dorothy.

"Dorothy, Dorothy.." Said the scarecrow. "You gotta be more tough on this guy, like, look—HELL-LOOOOOOO, METAL DUUUUUUDE!! CAN YOU HEAR MEEEE?!!"

"Uh, Scarecrow?" Replied Dorothy.

"Can you HEAR ME NOW?!!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow through a megaphone.

"ERL CHMN!!" The Tin Man mumbled even louder.

Dorothy gazed to the side to notice a silver van with a funnel in it. She snapped her fingers.

"OOHHHH.." she said. "He means 'oil canʼ!"

"Yeah..." the Scarecrow paused and threw away the megaphone. "I knew that."

Dorothy and the Scarecrow opened the oil can and poured it on the Tin

Man, then waited. Slowly, his tired old joints started to move, until he

could fully stand up.

"Woah! I can talk again! Thank you, young lady!" He looked down at Dorothy, who smiled. "Now what brings you guys to this forest?"

"Well, Tinny, we were goinʼ to see thʼ Wizard cause ahʼ wanna git home, anʼ thʼ Scarecrow wants a brain!" Dorothy smiled. "You want anything?"

"Yes, actually..." the Tin Man thought as they started to walk down the road again. "Iʼve always

wanted...er...a heart."

"Oh, a valentine?" Asked Dorothy.

"No!" Said the Tin Man. "A real, beating human heart, with blood

and capillaries and veins and made

from healthy, fatty flesh..." the Tin

Man sighed.

Dorothy shivered, along with Toto. Butterflies flew around as they continued to walk.

"So, what shows do y'all like?" Asked Dorothy, chewing an apple.

"What's a 'show'?" Asked the Scarecrow.

"Y'all know--television!" Dorothy smiled.

"Ohhh..." Replied the Tin Man. "Yeah, we don't have that here."

"But what's your favorite show?" Asked Dorothy, not knowing what he said at all. "Ah' like He-Man!"

"What's a He-Man?" Asked the

Tin Man.

"Oh, jus' a super manly dude, his giant green tiger, an' his sister who's a bajillion times stronger than he is!"

"That is so cool!!"

Unbeknownst to Oz's heroes, something watched from within the bushes. Its yellow eyes sneered.


	6. The Lion Screams Tonight

It was now the afternoon, and our heroes, still on their quest to reach

the city, started to go through a dense forest.

"So you don't have a brain?" Asked the Tin Man.

"Yep!" Said the Scarecrow. "Turns out, y'don't need one!"

"But brains are useful for lots of things, like inventin'!" Said Dorothy.

"You can invent stuff?" Asked the

Tin Man. "Ever invent something..." he flexed his "muscles", "...Strapping as me?"

"Yes." Said Dorothy. "We sometimes make these statues called "muffler men" kinda like you."

Suddenly, as the skies started to become dark with the thick trees, Toto started barking.

"You guys.." said the Scarecrow. "I uh, think the dog's tryin' to tell us somethin'...again.."

"He can't talk, he's a dog." Said Dorothy.

"Yeah, but...Y'never know if there might be somethin' scary, like maybe there's...LIONS IN THIS FOREST!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow with a huge grin on his face.

"Or TIGERS!!" Exclaimed Dorothy, matching the Scarecrow's grin.

"Yeeeeah..." they both said, nudging each other.

"Lions and Tigers? Bah." Said the Tin Man. "Lions and Tigers are native to the plains of Africa and the jungles of India or French Indo-China, respectively. I'd say more accurately, there might be bears in this forest."

"Lions."

"Tigers."

"Bears."

"OH MAH!" Exclaimed Dorothy as she heard something zoom through the bushes. "Uh, guys?"

"Lions."

"Tigers."

"Bears."

"Ohhhh mahhh..." Dorothy looked around, becoming more scared.

"Lions."

"Tigers."

"Bears."

"Oohhhhh mah oh mah oh mah gooosssh ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?" Dorothy was yelling, now.

"Lions."

"Tigers."

"Bears."

"Oh mah. Oh mah. Oh mah." This kept repeating, it grew faster and faster and faster, until...

"STOP!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "DO Y'ALL EVEN KNOW WE'RE BEIN' WATCHED?!!"

Everyone stopped.

Dorothy ducked inside a bush, motioning for her friends to come in as well. There they hid, until the thing that was watching them came out. It was huge, furry, and clawed, and it was clearly not very happy.

"Don't...move...a muscle.." said Dorothy.

The beast moved closer, grunting. Its claws scraped the ground, frightening the three.

"If it gets me first..." the Scarecrow shivered. "Tell my wife I love her!"

"You were never married!" Said the Tin Man.

"Oh." Replied the Scarecrow.

Suddenly, the beast--a great big lion, jumped out in front and grabbed the Tin Man.

"PLEASEDON'TKILLME!!" He rapidly yelped.

"TINNY!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "JUST PLAY DEAD!!"

The Tin Man shivered as the lion held him in his large paws. He gulped, the lion's breath made him

sweat. He whimpered, when suddenly..

(*SPLURT!*)

The lion looked down, to see a bunch of sticky, black oil at his feet.

"Whoops! S-Sorry..." said the Tin Man. "It happens when I'm scared."

"AW THAT'S NASTY!!" Said the Scarecrow.

Just then, a small mouse emerged from the bushes and squeaked. The lion's eyes widened.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!" The lion screamed like a little girl. He ran off, leaving everyone confused.

"What?" Said the Tin Man. "I swear I took my pill for that!!"

Dorothy ran after the lion, until she had him cornered in a bush.

"He-hello?" She stuttered. "Mister lion?"

"Is it gone?!" Exclaimed the lion in a deep voice.

"Is what gone?" Asked Dorothy.

"The MOUSE!!" Exclaimed the lion, jumping out of the foliage.

He was so scared of a mouse, and yet he had about fifty pounds of solid, chiseled muscle on his body.

"IS IT GONE?!!!"

Dorothy, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow chuckled and rolled their eyes.

"...yes." She

replied.

"OH GOOD!!" Exclaimed the lion, shaking Dorothy's hand so much she slammed against the ground. "IM' THE COWARDLY LION!"

"I can see why.." the Tin Man snarked.

"AN' AS A REWARD FOR YOUS SAVIN' ME, I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND I WILL I WILL!!"

"Okay then, mister lion.." said Dorothy. "We're tryin' to see the Wizard of Oz. Can y'all direct us to the, uh, Emerald City?"

"Oh yes yes yes yes! It's juuuuust over there!" The lion gestured with

an enormous paw.

"By the way, why d'ya wanna see the Wizard, anyway?"

"Well, I just wanna get home, th' Tin Man wants a heart, an' th' Scarecrow here is,ahem...cerebrally challenged."

"Hi, how you doin?" Asked the Scarecrow.

"Thanks for pointing us in th' right way, we'll be going now, thanks.." Dorothy pushed the Tin Man and

Scarecrow out of the way, leaving the lion.

"SAYYYYY!!" He jumped in front of the three. "I JUST HAD THE BESTEST IDEA EVER!! What if I come with you guys on this trip! The Wizard could give me courage!"

"Okay then.." Dorothy still seemed rather unnerving about his comment. "Come on!"

Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Lion, and the Tin Man linked arms and started skipping down the yellow brick road while singing. Toto followed, yapping at their heels.

"We're off to

see the Wizard

The wonderful

Wizard of Oz

We hear he is a

whiz of a wiz

If ever a wiz there

was

If ever, oh ever a

wiz there was

The Wizard of Oz

is one because

Because,

because,

because,

because, because Because of the

wonderful things

he does"

"Say," asked Dorothy. "Ah don't

recall learnin' this choreography."

"Neither do I." Said the Tin Man.

"Don't think so much!" Exclaimed the lion. "Just ENJOY IT!!"

"We're off to see the Wizard

The wonderful

Wizard of Oz

We're off to see

the Wizard

The wonderful

Wizard of Oz

We hear he is a

whiz of a wiz

If ever a wiz there

was

If ever, oh, ever a

wiz there was

The Wizard of Oz

is one because

Because,

because,

because, because, because

Because of the

wonderful things

he does

We're off to see

the Wizard

The wonderful

Wizard of Oz"

"I don't remember these song lyrics!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow.


	7. Emerald City or Bust!

As the heroes arrived at the top of a hill, the beautiful countryside was in clear view. They looked around some more, and saw a glorious city in the distance composed entirely of pure emerald.

The buildings glistened in the mid-afternoon light, and sent bright shades of green into the atmosphere.

"There it is!" Exclaimed the Lion. 0Oh, ain't dis just the BESTEST?! I'm gonna get my courage an' Tinny's gonna get a heart, an--"

"We just have to make it through this field of...poppies.." The Tin Man paused.

Millions of poppies lined the field

leading up to the Emerald City, some were purple, some pink, some red, even blue, yellow and green.

"COME ON YOU GUYS!!" Exclaimed

Dorothy. Toto barked and followed her.

"Oh shoot.." the Scarecrow frowned.

"Maybe we can...uh, find a different way around?" Said the Tin Man.

"Uh, I wouldn't go in that field!!" Exclaimed the Lion.

"What're y'all worried bout?" Asked Dorothy, walking towards the flowers. "It's just over heeeeeeee...reee..."

"Sail away, sail

away, sail away

Sail away, sail

away, sail

away"

Dorothy fainted. As well as Toto. The Tin Man gazed unnervingly at the girl, and raised her on his lap.

"Dorothy!" He yelled. "Speak to me! Say something! Are you okay?!"

The girl somewhat stood up, but her eyes were now tinged a light red, one of the side effects of the poppies.

"Are you okay? he says. Why Ah'm just the parallelogram, Miss America!" was all she said.

"HOLY LUGNUTS ITS WORSE THAN I IMAGINED!!" Exclaimed the Tin

Man.

"Okay, okay, we're just gonna walk through this real slowly...cover your mouth with this.." the Scarecrow handed the Tin Man some straw.

"Thanks." Said the Tin Man. "Now Lion, I want you to take Dorothy and

Toto, and get them out of here ASAP, got that?!"

Strangely, there was no response.

"Lion?" Repeated the Scarecrow.

The muscular lion leaped and pirouetted through the flowers like the girlyest of ballerinas, fluttering his hands, a big stupid grin on his face. "HEY HEY! LOOKIT ME! IM A LITTLE BIRD!!"

The Tin Man slapped his face and sighed.

"Sail away, sail

away, sail away

Sail away, sail

away, sail

away"

"Scarecrow?!" Asked the Tin Man.

"Oh no he's gone

too!!"

The Tin Man stood, absolutely paralyzed at what stood before him.

"MARY! DONT YOU MAKE ME TURN THIS COUCH AROUND!

CAUSE I WILL GO UP YOUR DADʼS PANTS! ZAMBONI!" Exclaimed the

scarecrow.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Exclaimed the Tin Man. "I shall have to make it out on foot, then."

He raised his metal foot, about to start walking...when he fell on his face.

"NOT ME!!" He exclaimed as his eyes were starting to become red.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Sail away, sail

away, sail away

Sail away, sail

away, sail

away"

"Judy Garland?" Said Dorothy. "Cain't say ah heard of er' before!"

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!!!" Exclaimed the Tin Man.

"Sail away, sail

away, sail away

Sail away, sail

away, sail

away"

After this, all four had been corrupted by the strange pheromones of the poppies, spasming and saying many a non-sequitur after non-sequitur.

This nonsense continued to go on,

when Glinda appeared. She had had enough of this.

"I have had enough of this!" She exclaimed as she blew her bubble

wand on her heroes and sent them out of the field.

(*GLIN-DAAAAAAA!!"*)

"Ohh..." moaned the Tin Man.

"Everyone okay?" Asked Dorothy.

"Yep." Replied the Scarecrow.

"Yep." Replied the lion. "But somethin' feels weird in m' lower body.."

"You okay Tin Man?" Asked Dorothy.

"If I had a heart, it would've

stopped.." he

replied.

"I'm feelin' a little weird mahself.." Dorothy sighed. "But c'mon, guys, lets go!"

The group started to walk down the yellow brick road yet again, but they didn't get quite far when their stomachs rumbled.

"I hope they have snacks when we

get to the city.." said Dorothy.

"Yeah.." replied the Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow in unison.

\--


	8. MAKEOVERS

Pretty soon, they finally arrived in the Emerald City. It was indeed enormous and green...obviously.

People rushed about, all dressed in varying green shades.

"WOOOAAAH..." Said Dorothy.

"Yep, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." Said the Tin Man. "Iʼll haul us a coach."

He gave a loud whistle as a coach man showed up.

"Climb aboard, kids!" Said the coachman as he stopped. Once

everyone was on, he cracked the reins and off the horse went. "So

what are you kids here for?"

"Weʼre jusʼ here to see thʼ Wizard!" Said Dorothy.

"Ah, yes, the wizard.." Said the coachman.

Suddenly, Dorothy looked down. Her eyes widened.

"Wait...that horse was just blue..."

Dorothy paused. "An' now its green.

Mister, Ah know lots about horses,

an' ya usually don't see em changin'

color like a Lite Brite."

"Oh-ho-ho," the stagecoach laughed. "..why young lady, that's

the horse of a different color!"

Laughed the stage coach.

(*BA-DUM-TSSS!!*)

"...I don't get it." Dorothy said.

"Say, would you kids like a free makeover coupon?" Asked the stagecoach. "I got some right here--we have a great stylist in Oz!"

"Sure!" Said Dorothy.

\--

The salon was enormous and mostly white. Within the varied rooms were pretty much every kind of spa treatment ever possibly invented or will be invented.

A couple of ferns flanked the

entrance, and millions of stylists

lined up military-style.

"Hiiii!!" Said the lead stylist. "Are

you here for our "everything-in-

the-spa" treatment we have right now?"

"Yep!" Said Dorothy. She handed the lead stylist the coupons.

"Wonderful!" Exclaimed the lead

stylist.

The Lion was yanked into a dressing room, where a bunch of Ozian women started to groom his fur and claws. He was about to

object to this, when one of the

stylists handed him a piña colada and placed cucumbers over his eyes.

"So...can you really do any kinda stylist work ever done?" Asked Dorothy.

"Yep, sure can, honey!" Replied a stylist with an afro.

"Well, can you...say...dye my eyeballs to...match my dress?"

The stylist paused and sheepishly smiled.

"Nnnnnn--Yyyess?" She replied.

\--

"Oh yeah, I like it, I like it...liiittle lower.." The Tin Man sighed within

his hot wax bath, as a stylist poured

anti-freeze on his head.

"Yo, Tinny!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow, who was getting fresh straw inserted into his body. "This is

the life, huh?"

"Bbbboooyyyyy yyyouuuu sssaiiid iiiiiit!!" Exclaimed the Tin Man as he got buffed and riveted by a stylist wearing a protective welding helmet. The stylist then stopped

welding. "I feel like I just got a ten- mile warranty!"

He looked down at his shiny, new body, which now had hot-rod flames on the legs. A stylist happily walked up to him, and placed some dice on his head, as well as a pine-tree shaped air freshener.

"Hey, thanks!" He called to the stylist.

"Wonder how Dorothy's doin'?" Asked the Scarecrow.

\--

Dorothy stepped out in a much

lovelier version of her blue dress. Her hair was in ringlets, her nails were manicured, and she wore mascara and lipstick on her little face (in a tasteful manner, of course).

Thankfully, she didn't go with the whole "dying the eyeballs" thing.

"Rraf! Rraf! Rraf!!" Little Toto emerged from the background,

wearing a lovely red bow. Dorothy

picked him up in her arms and walked off.

"Letʼs check on thʼ Lion, boy!" She

said, happily. Dorothy and Toto

walked into another room where the lion was.

Dorothy gasped at the lionʼs new look—he had a pompadour-type

hairstyle with wispy eyeshadow.

"You look BEAUTIFUL!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "Just like Lion-O!!!"

"Whatʼs a Lion-O—"

Just then, the Tin man and the Scarecrow entered through the same door that Dorothy used.

"Hi Tinny, Scarecrow!" Said Dorothy. "You guys are lookinʼ sharp!"

"Wow, you too!!" Replied the Scarecrow.

"I got a MAJOR tune-up!" Said the

Tin Man, pressing a button on his back and "revving his engine".

"Uh, you guys?" Replied the Cowardly Lion, entering from outside the salon. "You may wanna

see this..."

———

The guys left the salon to find that the skies had turned red, and flying monkeys were everywhere. All the citizens were out forming a large crowd, and they seemed absolutely terrified.

The Scarecrow looked and noticed some writing in the sky made from black clouds.

"Sur...ender...Dorothy..." read the

Scarecrow.

"That ain't right!" Dorothy grabbed some binoculars from her pocket

and looked closer. "That says

'Surrender Dorky'!"

"...WHAT?!!" Exclaimed the voice of the Wicked Witch. "You IDIOTS!!" She smacked one of her flying monkeys. "I TOLD YOU BANANA FOR BRAINS TO WRITE DOROTHY! DO-RO-THY!! THREE SYLLABLES!! TRY AGAIN!"

The Witch zoomed away on her

broomstick as the monkeys reshaped the smoke letters to say "Dorothy".

"Ah, there we go." Replied the Scarecrow. "AAAAAUGH!!"

"IN A GADDA DA VIDA!!" Exclaimed

the witch as she cast a spell that zapped one of the massive, green

towers that made the Emerald City.

"RUN!!" Exclaimed Dorothy as the

tower slowly then quickly fell. They ran, and thankfully made it before the tower fell with a *THUD!*.

"General Nanners'!" Exclaimed the Witch.

A huge, muscular silverback gorilla with tiny wings stood in front of Dorothy. He had a large, ugly face, and wore the same vest and fez as the other simians. The General grabbed Dorothy and flew off.

"AAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!" Dorothy

screamed, kicking and punching as

best as she could, but to no avail,

unfortunately.

"Doro-THYYYYYY!!" Yelled the Scarecrow.

"TOTO!!" Exclaimed the Tin Man as the little dog was taken by a monkey.

"NOOOOOO!!" The Scarecrow yelled as they got away. "NO!! SHE'S GONE AND ITS ALL OUR FAULT! NOOO!!"

The Lion walked up to the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.

"It'll be okay, guys, we just gotta get

through dat woods ova dere!!"

"Speak for yourself." The Tin Man replied. "Ya big chicken."

"WHAT?!!" Exclaimed the Lion. "Me, a chicken?! Tha's INSANE!"

"No, Tinny." Said the Scarecrow with sarcasm in his tone. "He's the most macho guy I know.."

At that moment, the Lion screamed and jumped on the Scarecrow.

"SOMETHIN'S COMIN'!!" He screeched.

There was an unnerving silence

in the air. Suddenly, the bushes rustled, and little Toto popped out, unharmed by the monkeys completely.

"Oh." Said the lion. "I knew that."

Toto barked and guided the three men to the clearing, where a large, black castle could be seen in the red, setting sky.

This was clearly the Wicked Witchʼs castle, and it would certainly be no picnic getting there.


	9. “O-RE-OS, OREEEEEEOS!

In front of the Witch's castle were millions upon millions of guards.

They were marching in single file and singing some song in deep

voices that went like this;

"Yo-eeh Yo-eeeeeeee, oh."

The Tin Man, lion, and scarecrow watched from a distance, along with Toto. Seeing as there were indeed millions of them, getting inside would take a miracle.

The Tin Man's jaw dropped with an audible clank. The Lion found it, and screwed it back on.

"Hmmmm..." the Tin Man accessed the situation.

"Duh, hey! So how're we gonna get past these guys?" Asked the Lion.

There was a moment of silence before the Scarecrow gave a grin.

"...alright, what's with the face?" Said the Tin Man.

"There might not be a brain in this head, my amigos..." the Scarecrow removed his head and shook it around. "But there's an idea..."

\--

"This is a dumb idea." Said he Tin Man.

"No it's not!" Replied the Scarecrow.

"I like his idea!" Said the Lion, proudly.

The Scarecrow's "idea" consisted of the three dressing up as the guards...but they only managed to nab some hats.

The Lion wore Toto around his face with a string, so as to imitate a 'beard'.

"Is to a stupid idea." Replied the

Tin Man.

"Is NOT!" Replied the Scarecrow.

"Well then, "Farmer Brown", what's your next 'brilliant' scheme?" The Tin Man said, voice covered with sarcasm, as he crossed his arms.

"Why, we just walk in and start singin' that song!" Replied the Scarecrow. "It'll be easy!"

The three approached the guards, trying to mimic the marching as best as they could.

"Uh..Or-EE-Os, or-EEEOS--this is stupid." Said the Tin Man.

"DO THE SONG." Whispered the lion.

"Or-EE-OLS, BALTIMORE

OOOOORIELS!!"

"I'm not--"

"JUST! DO IT!" Exclaimed the lion.

"Girl I'm gonna SHOW YA!" exclaimed the Scarecrow.

"JUngle

LOOOVE, YEAH!

O-WE-O-WE

OH!!"

The Tin Man groaned once they

finally reached the castle.


	10. Where my Witches at?

Dorothy awoke to find herself chained down. She looked some, and found that there were hundreds upon thousands of flying monkeys.

Dorothy blinked, only to find herself staring right at the face of the witch.

"WHAT THE--" Dorothy yelled.

"Hello.." The face of the Wicked Witch was right in front of her,

green warts, moldy face and everything.

Dorothy growled and spat at the floor, The witch moving out of the way.

"GIT ME OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW YA FREAK Aʼ NATURE!!"

Dorothy tried to move, but her bonds encircled her tightly.

"NO MATTER WHAT YEW DEW, AH WILL ESCAPE! YEW AINʼT MAH MASTER—AH HAVE THʼ POWER! AH WILL BE FREE!!! BAH THE POWAH Oʼ GRAYSK—"

The hand of a large, muscular gorilla covered Dorothyʼs face.

"An' get yer gross hands off'n me, ya dang nasty ape!" Exclaimed Dorothy as she was bought in front of the Wicked Witch.

General Nanners released Dorothy from his enormous grasp, and flung

her in front of the Witch. Dorothy's smug grin turned into an expression of fear when she saw the Wicked Witch holding a fireball.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"What?" Replied Dorothy.

"Well, I was so ANXIOUSLY awaiting for the moment when you would SHUT UP on your own--there it is!" Now then, my dearie, let me tell you about my positively DEEE-LICIOUS EEEEEVIL PLAN!! EEEAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

"Don't tell me." Said Dorothy,

raising a hand. "You we're gonna

take over Oz, wit' m' ruby slippers,

now, ain't that right?"

The Witch's eyes widened.

"Oh, why don't you leave that thinking and fighting to the boys, dear, it's not very lady-like."

Dorothy snapped. Her eyelids

twitched.

"LAAADY LIKE?!!" She exclaimed.

"LIST'N ERE' GRANNY! AH DUNNO WHO Y'ALL THINK Y'ARE WIT' YO LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, PREHISTORIC-BACKWARDS-PRIMITIVE-TYPE THINKIN', BU' AH

AIN'T NO DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

AWAITIN' ON SOME DUMB MA-AAAAN TO COME SAVE ME--AH CAN RESCUE MAHSELF!!"

Dorothy broke free from her restraints and did some kicks and flips. She ended on a mantis pose, then transitioned into a crane pose.

"HHHUUUUUAAAAAAA..." she started. A flying monkey lunged at her. "...AAAAIII-YA!" She kicked it into a rather suggestive place.

"GET THAT AMAZON CHILD!" Yelled the wicked witch.

Monkeys flew at Dorothy, but she knew exactly what she had to do. She swung onto a curtain tassel and ran onto the walls, catapulting off and crunching a monkey's face

between her thighs. Dorothy then landed on a chandelier. Nearest the fireplace, a monkey tossed a poker at her, but she expertly flipped out of the way and kicked a dust-pan in midair, just as a monkey flung it at her.

Then she saw her target--the broomstick.

It was on the side of a balcony, and no-one was really paying attention to it, for it looked rather hard to reach. But this was never hard enough for Dorothy!

Quickly thinking, she grabbed a lip balm from her pocket, uncapped it, and threw it on the ground so the scent could be smelled. The brand?

Lip Smackers--bananas Foster flavored.

"BA-NA-NAAAAAAAAAS!!" Exclaimed General Nanners, pointing a huge, ugly finger at the scent.

All the monkeys gathered around and tried to get the lip balm, when one noticed Dorothy was not looking, and he got back behind her. He grabbed her dress, and carried her up, then Dorothy screamed.

"TOTOOOOOOOOOOO!!" She yelled.

At that exact moment, the little dog broke through a glass window, and landed perfectly on the ground. The monkeys placed her on the ground and moved away in fear—the little dog growled to make it look like he had rabies.

"It's not in the

way that you hold

me

It's not in the way

you say you care

It's not in the way

you've been

treating my

friends

It's not in the way that you stayed till

the end

It's not in the way

you look or the

things that you

say that you'll

do"

Toto jumped into the air and kicked a few monkeys to the side.

"YEAH!!" Exclaimed Dorothy. "Now go to the left a little! Thatʼs it!"

"Hold the line,

love isn't always

on time, oh oh oh

Hold the line, love

isn't always on

time, oh oh oh

It's not in the

words that you

told me, girl

It's not in the way

you say you're

mine, ooh

It's not in the way

that you came

back to me

It's not in the way

that your love set

me free"

Toto gripped a monkeyʼs tail, and held on tightly, even as the monkey flew around, trying to shake the little dog. Suddenly, Toto jumped off

the tail and onto the monkey, scratching it with his claws until it landed on its face.

"It's not in the

way you look or

the things that

you say that you'll

do

Hold the line, love

isn't always on

time, oh oh oh

Hold the line, love

isn't always on

time, oh oh oh"

Unfortunately, the other flying monkeys had managed to find the Tin Man, the lion, and the Scarecrow. They had them cornered, the witch laughing at their misfortune.

"GET AWAY FROM THEM YOU WITCH!!" Exclaimed Dorothy,

wielding the broomstick like a katana.

"NEVERRR!!" Exclaimed the witch. "YOU WILL PA—

(*WHAP!*)

Dorothy smacked her with the broomstick.

"...owwww.." she groaned. "Now, YOU WILL PA—"

(*WHAP!*)

"AGGH! STOP THAT, STUPID GIRL!" Exclaimed the Witch, who was now on the floor.

(*WHAP!)

"IMʼ NOT KIDDING!" Said the witch.

(*WHAP!*)

"IMʼ GONNA KILL YO—"

(*WHAP WHAP WHAP!*)

As Wicked Witch was whopped

wistfully, she became knocked

out for two seconds and had a flashback.

————————

—

"Pop-u-lar, la la

la, pop-u-oo-

lar.."

18-year old Glinda sang as she brushed her baby (two years younger than her) sisterʼs black hair amidst the backdrop of her sickeningly pink bedroom.

————————

WHAP!!*

The Witch went back to reality.

"DOESʼNT THAT HURT, GREEN

BEAN?!" Exclaimed Dorothy, holding the broom over her shoulder. "WELL

DOES IT?!

"You FOOOOLISH GIR-ELL!!" Exclaimed the Wicked Witch. "YOUU MAY HAVE MY BROOM, BUT YOUʼLL NEVER GUESS MY—"

"Hey, guys!" Said the Scarecrow, walking over with some water glasses. "Anyone thirsty?"

The Witchʼs eyes widened in absolute horror. Dorothy grabbed the glass of water and raised it at the witch, whoʼs eyes were opened very wide at the sight.

"OH SH—"

SPLASH*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGH!! AHAGH!! AAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!" Exclaimed the witch as she thrashed about,

slowly melting into a pile of liquid-y

black nothingness. "IM MEEEELLTING!! OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAAT A WO-HO-HORRRRRLLLLLD!!!!!"

After the witch was a black acid-like puddle, everyone just stared for a little while.

"Well..." Said the Tin Man. "That was weird."

"You wanna go see the Wizard now?" Asked Dorothy.

"Sure!" Said the Scarecrow.

"Yeah!" Said the lion and the Tin

Man.

The five walked from the Witchʼs castle, broomstick in hand as most of the flying monkeys turned into normal monkeys.

——

Once they had returned, they all lined up in front of a large room.

Suddenly, wind whipped around, and a massive green face appeared. The face did not seem very happy, to say the least.

"SO YOU WANTED TO MEET...THE

WIZAAA-AAA-AAARD?!!!?!!" He sang in a very deep monotone.

"...Yeah." Said Dorothy in the most nonchalant way possible. "Hi mister! Mahʼ nameʼs Dorothy, this is the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the lion, and Toto!"

"AHH YESSS DOROTHY GAAAALE..." spoke the Wizard.

"TOMORROW, I WILLL GIVE YOOOU THE THIIIIINGS YOOOU DESIRE..."

"WHAT?!" Exclaimed everyone.

"YOU JERK!" Said Dorothy.

Suddenly, as the Wizard talked, Toto noticed something weird—a foot appeared to be sticking out of a green curtain. He grabbed the foot all of a sudden, and the Wizard started to laugh from another distance.

Then, Toto smiled, and opened up the curtain, much to everyone elseʼs

surprise.

The curtains peeled back to reveal not an almighty being of supreme

power...but a short, fat bald guy and a microphone.

"Uh..." he tried to hide himself with

the green fabric as the mic feedback whined. "P-pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

"Youʼre a FRAUD!!" Exclaimed Dorothy, pulling the curtain back from him.

"Yeah!" Said the scarecrow. "Uh, whatʼs that mean?"

"IT MEANS HE TRICKED US!!"

Exclaimed the Tin Man. "HE TRICKED US ALL

ALOONNNG!!"

"No I have not." Said the Wizard. "I wanted to see how good you were at killing that Witch and well, you passed! You passed the damn thing and Iʼll give you what you want!"

——

"Right, letʼs get started..." the Wizard pulled out a jar from a drawer.

He grabbed some hospital gloves, and looked at the Scarecrow.

"Hold still, please..." The Wizard placed the Scarecrow into a chair and began to perform surgery on him. After a few minutes of lobotomy, the Scarecrow now has

a fully functioning brain.

"So, what do you think of your new brain?" He asked the Scarecrow.

Immediately, the Scarecrow stood

up in a much more dignified manner.

"Verily," He said. "This cerebellum

will do me quite nicely when it comes to utilizing my fine motor skills in a predicament—how I adore that medulla oblongata."

"WHAAAAAT?!" Said everyone.

"Er.." the Scarecrow paused. "I mean...I like it."

"And here," Said the Wizard, taking out a golden medal and placing it around the lion. "...is your courage."

The lion smiled widely, then flexed his muscles and ROOOOOARRRED!!

"AW YEAH!!" He said. "Iʼm a MAN

now!!"

He grabbed a still-remaining flying monkey and crunched its body between his giant pecs. He snorted,

and the Wizard looked rather

unnerved.

"...right, here is your heart, Mister

Tin Man.." Said the Wizard as he

placed on some hospital gloves and

placed something red into the Tin Manʼs body.

"Oooh.." the Tin Man started tearing up. "OH ITʼS BEAUTIFUL!! ITʼS GOT BLOOD AND VEINS AND

EVERYTHING! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I

LOVE IT I—-Wait, why did I get so

emotional?!" Asked the tin man

suddenly.

"Now Dorothy," Said Glinda, who appeared suddenly.

(*GLIN-DAAAAAA!!*)

"All you have to do to get home, is click your heels three times, and say "thereʼs no place like home!" Okay?"

"Sure..." Dorothy smiled, grabbed Toto, then looked at everyone else.

"Bye, guys..." she said, running over to hug each one of them. "Iʼll miss you!"

"Goodbye, Dorothy!" The scarecrow smiled and hugged the girl.

"Bye Dorothy!" The Tin man was next—he was the most emotional—Dorothy had to dry his oil tears.

"Iʼll see ya, Dorothy!" Said the lion as he gave her the best hug due to his fur.

Dorothy looked down at her heels and pressed them together once, making a *CLIK* sound.

"Thereʼs no place

like home..."

Dorothy clicked them together again.

"Thereʼs no place like home..."

Dorothy pulled back her feet to click them one more time.

"Thereʼs no place like home..."

Dorothy clicked them together for a

last time, then she disappeared in a blinding white light.


	11. Epilogue

Dorothy blinked her eyes twice and looked around. She was lying down on top of her bed in her room.

"WOAH.." she said. "You wonʼt buh-lieve thʼ kinda trip Ahʼ jusʼ had.." she

pointed to her brothers. "You were thar, you were thar, Toto, you were thar, too—not shoʼ if you were thar, Auntie Em anʼ Uncle Henry, but still..."

"Thatʼs our Dorothy, alright.." said Uncle Henry. "Allʼays so full oʼ

maginationʼ!"

"Heh, you try tellinʼ that tʼ these babies, Unc!" Dorothy exclaimed

as she pulled back the covers.

The ruby slippers were still there. Everyone gazed in absolute shock.

"Anʼ no, Ahʼ ainʼt sellinʼ em!" Replied Dorothy as she laughed.

———

End.


End file.
